She Knows All

Losing faith.

russell13 — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:51:19 +0000

Been sometime since I last blogged. It is not that i do not want to blog, but simply because whatever I want to blog seems to conflict with that.

Therefore for the safety and privacy of myself, I shall set up a private blog to avoid any conflicts. Cheerios

There is more to life then that.

russell13 — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:58:32 +0000

Hello all.

I feel like doing a blogspot. Hmmmm. Should I? Hahaha.

Anyhow, I got my life pretty organised the last few days. Like what I want to do with my life.

Anyway, I want to try my luck out with my drawings these few days. Will update a couple of drawings real soon. I am pretty new to this, so help me out by giving me comments.

later. (=

Whatever you like. Not.

russell13 — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:47:43 +0000

Many might wonder why their lives do not exist in the manner which they like. Many too wondered why their lives are in complete disaster. I used to be one of the many, believing that my sole existance depended on the sheer misery of it.

I think i screw up my life enough already, really. I cannot keep on relying on the likes of my family and friends to get by everyday. It becomes really ridiculous. From the mediocre results I produce thus far, and my seemingly artificial life that I lead. Nevermind all that already, since I am already stuck in a position that really and truly sucked big time, with me injuring my shoulder and reataining for a module, the only way is doing better.

So i want to make my life a better one to live in. If you find me a little unacceptable or hostile, it is the transition to become a better person. Uhmmmm, I really hope everyone understand.

Sinking Deeper Into the Shithole. 7877355.

russell13 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:12:15 +0000

If there is a god, help me out of it Asap. Please.

I hate losing. I hate the fear of losing. I hate seeing myself not able to do anything about my team losing. I hate Fear.

Ya, ya, I know it ain’t, but still..

Have you ever been trapped between family values and peer pressure? Especially if you are brought up with strong family morals, and the number one piority is always been family. That feeling inflict with my interest everytime. Really.

I reflected alot the last few days, reminiscing about me screwing up almost everything. From studies, to friends, to sports, to my attitude and to my life.. the list runs forever. Whatever is it, I think i start afresh. I mean it is ridiculous that at 18 years of age, i have yet to discover my life goals, have not realise what i desire from my life. Stupid really. If I cannot see how much I am far behind, then I am, as simple as it it, a failure.

I wanna date a french chic chick. R.A.N.D.O.M.

I hate not playing the game.

In a world of Reek-cycle, Re-abuse, Re-spoil.

russell13 — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:20:21 +0000

Living the Dream.

Born an angry kid, body send into waves of fit.

Mind so screwed up, actions so wacked up.

Family knew nothing, when the thoughts all went running.

Killing the strangers on the street, the nightmare start to creep.

Now all grown up, mind still fucked up.

Join a sport that promotes violence, anger no more in silence.

Hurting people seem like game, with more pain comes more fame.

Results still failing, teachers’ letter just keep mailing.

Folks went berserk, wanted me to be nerd.

Stop the sport, they asked me to stay home and rot.

With such a sick mind, the nerd in me is hard to find.

Now i realise that life is a bitch, starting from the bottom of the ditch.

Fuck it all, the love starts to fall.

Sart to begin living the dream, with a future so dim.

And I am living the dream.

Redemption at a Cost.

russell13 — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:13:39 +0000

Fuck you Electronic Commerence for being such a bitch. Fuck you lecturer for not letting me pass and being bias to other students. Fuck you For Screwing up my life. Fuck it all up. Fuck it to hell.

It seems that my life have not been all my choice. The way i do things are not up to me, the way i spend my time is not up to me, the way i want my life to be is not up to me. Nothing seems to regard me anymore, not even my life. Fuck it all off.

When you all want comfort, you all run up to me and I am there. When i do require some, you all seem to vanish to thin air. Fuck it all.

Life is not a bed of roses, filled with much excuses,

that no one seem to care.

The people that surrounds you, the fool they make out of you,

taking away all your flair.

Things do not go your way, everyone want to screw your day,

the pressure is way to much to bear.

Redemption come at a huge cost, the words they speak are all false,

forcing you to restrict all that you dare.

All they do is control and force, thinking that they are already the boss,

hopes and dreams they rip and tear.

One day I will come out of the shell, out of this bitter hell,

the death throne will lost its only heir.

I am an angry kid since young, deep inside boiling and steaming the anger with sheer sick glee. Killing people in my mind seems to be my only vice, the pain and suffering all come together and fitted nice. I hate my life, myself and everything that is around me. I fucking hate everything now. Fuck it all. Talk about getting back up and do this to me? FUCK it all up again and again.

Tell me, what the fuck is wrong with failing a module. Is it death to everyone around me? Or i will definitely fail in life? Or that i must give up everything that i have to concentrate on screwing it up all over again? Is everything my fault? Is everything is death sentence? I will be back. Trust me, for i have too much hatred. And that hatred can go on forever. Fuck it all.

Protected: Lost again and again and again and agai…

russell13 — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 07:21:54 +0000

This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.

Mr In De Pendent.

russell13 — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:40:13 +0000

I kind of figure out that pretty much nobody reads my blog anymore, and therefore, it became pretty private. Which is a good thing, i suppose.

Feeling pretty random now, loads of thoughts swarming my mind.

What do I want in life?
What am I doing with my life now?
Why do I feel like hiding from everyone?
Am I just an artificial person, one who don on a mask?
Am I me?

Thats it. I am going to set goals for myself in life.

later, to the ghosts that read my dim-wit blog.

EMO?

russell13 — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:16:21 +0000

All American Rejects – Straight Jacket Feeling

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it’s stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you’re the problem and you can’t feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won’t be alone
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But Today I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be,
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
Off a list of others, you don’t make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can’t win
Take back now, my life you’re stealing

Yesterday was hell
But Today I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

And when that memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
grip falls away

Yesterday was hell
But Today I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you would be
That face is tearing holes in me,

but today I’m fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I’m holding on by letting go of you

Straitjacketfeeling

russell13 — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:45:59 +0000

Got myself a new bag. I know, this color is damn dull, but my is dark blue on the outside, and chirpy green on the inside. 100 bucks balls.

Got myself some decent clothes, and bought myself a pair of crocs.

Decent makeover, i suppose.